i found this pretty interesting:

http://shine.yahoo.com/channel/parenting/parents-who-hate-parenting-the-latest-trend-2466533/;_ylt=AuSfyBXv9Mz0TBB_yNhNxG5abqU5
the article is about how some parents just don't like parenting (or at least occasionally dislike it). i understand, believe me. i've only got one and sometimes on a particularly challenging day i'm ready to throw in the towel. these aren't parents who abandon their children or beat them or neglect them or anything like that, but they certainly aren't amy chua with her dragon mother nonsense. the author, Lylah Alphonse, interviewed a woman who co-authored a book called "Mothers Need Time-outs, Too," and gave a list of suggestions to keep moms from going cukoo bananas (taken directly from the article):

1. Give yourself a break—you don't need to be so hard on yourself.
2. Just say no! What are your real priorities?
3. Take time to write it down. Journaling will bring clarity to your life.
4. Slow down and savor living in the moment.
5. Plug into your kids so you can really connect with them.
6. Don't forget about your husband—intimacy is life-affirming!
7. Reach out beyond your family. It will enrich everyone.
8. Make your physical and mental health a priority.
9. Is more always better? Simplify everything.
10. Be a little selfish—you deserve it, and it will make you a better mother.

I mean, it all makes a lot of sense. no one is perfect. none of us has the perfect house, the perfect wardrobe, the perfect shape, the perfect husband, the perfect car, the perfect kids, whatever. we're not all gourmet cooks. we're not always full of energy. but nevertheless we try to do everything (and make our kids do everything too) and we spread ourselves too thin. i think that living a slower-paced lifestyle and limiting our exposure to a ton of extraneous activities is ideal. simplicity is ideal. also, journalling usually helps most situations. i take issue with number 10, however. i don't like using the "i deserve it" excuse, because life's not fair and we can't always get what we deserve. i feel like i deserve a beach house, but that doesn't mean i'm gonna get one. sure, it would make me a better mom (obviously...what kid doesn't want a mom with a beach house?), but not really in the way that it should. to me, taking a few minutes for yourself doesn't constitute being selfish. it's realistic. however, if i start begin really selfish and justifying it by saying that i deserve it, well then eventually not only will it go too far, but i won't really deserve it after a while anyway (that whole argument being a vicious cycle and all).
i think that the issue of perfectionism is super-dangerous for women anyway, especially now in the era of HGTV, food network, party planners and $15,000. birthday parties for kids. there are these ridiculous standards across the board for parenting and homemaking, not to mention the unattainable standards (of intelligence, personal appearance, time management, etc.) to which women are already held. we can't be all things. i don't know why we try, aside from the fact that it is not only expected but practically required. i know that i am an excellent baker. but am i a great housekeeper? not a chance. my mother is a hard-working woman who is terrific at her job. but can she cook? not a thing. for years women have beat themselves up over things like this, but i think it's time to embrace it. i do keep to some basic standards of cleanliness, especially now with a baby in the house. the dishes get done in a timely manner, i do the laundry, and i try to keep the floor clean and surfaces clear. anything beyond that is a bonus. my mom? she splits up meal prep between herself, my dad, and my sister so that everybody is responsible. i think that's how it should be. what we can't do, we should acknowledge and delegate appropriately (if i learned nothing else in the business world, it is the importance of delegating tasks and responsibility. it is also useful in event planning). since we are raised to do a little of everything, we do nothing really well. if we focus on our talents and just do our best at the rest, that should be enough.
does that mean that i think i should hire a maid service because i'm not good at cleaning and "i deserve it"? no (but sometimes i think that it would be nice), but as long as i keep the house livable, know what my husband needs (if he needs a clean house, he married the wrong woman, but i'll try my damnedest), understand what i need and try to live up to my own standards, i should be set.
but i also agree with ms. alphonse in that women raised today are not really prepared for the reality of child-rearing. they might have spent some time in a career while romanticizing the stay-at-home mom bit and, once the baby came, realized that that the fantasy was much more idyllic than what actually happens when they spend all day at home. the modern woman "having it all" just isn't a reality. there is too much pressure and too many obstacles for it to be worth it. a career is nice and a family is nice, but if your whole heart is in one of those things it seems incredibly unfair to the other. unfortunately, there is never an even split.
do i think that the rewards of staying home with a family are worth it? hell yeah. whenever i watch my little one learn something new or play with the kittens or yell "mama" i know that i'm doing right by her. but do i wish that someone had warned me ahead of time that staying at home can kind of suck? or that kids can sometimes be terrible? and that some days are not rewarding so much as monotonous? obviously. it's just nice to know that other parents feel the same way.

more snow!

because i am currently the only one in the house not battling some kind of illness (knock on wood), i tried my hand at some warm yummy soup-ish comfort food last night: chicken and dumplings, german style. i suppose i made it as sort of a cross between chicken pot pie and matzoh ball soup, but it was perfect and i have to admit, i was a little sad sending the leftovers off to work with my husband this morning! one of my favorite things to do is to tweak recipes to use up what we have in the fridge and the pantry and make them exactly the way we like them!
there is a ton of snow this morning! living in the northeast, i can't say that i'm surprised when there's snowfall well into spring, but i was totally not prepared for 6 inches when i woke up this morning! apparently, we could have 12 by 10 am tomorrow. ah well. i suppose that despite the random 70 degree days, it is not quite time to break out the baseball mitts and jogging stroller just yet.
i am in what i like to affectionately refer to as the "planning stages" of spring cleaning right now. pretty much, i have to wade through the piles of junk that have accumulated on my desk, in the baby's room, on my vanity, right inside the front door, etc. I'm hoping to get some done today, some done sunday, and the rest throughout the week. usually it is relatively easy but with the prospect of moving and renting this place out, i really want to step it up a notch so that i can be ready if we only have a month or so of notice. but, seeing as how i've been talking about moving out since before i even bought this house a few years ago, who knows if it'll actually happen. while we were out househunting on saturday morning, we found a few places; i liked one house, but it needed to be gutted, had some flooding issues, and was absolutely haunted and creepy, and ted liked another, but it is a little out of our price range despite the fact that it has everything that we want and is in move-in condition. everyone keeps saying that "it's a buyers market" but i'm not entirely sure that's accurate. we've run into so many snags with short sales (which are anything but what the name implies) and problems with investment companies that own properties we like and even unfriendly realtors! and now because so many people defaulted on their mortgages, even people with great credit are getting shaken down by mortgage companies and forced to buy mortgage insurance, which just tacks money on to the bill. we're lucky to be working now with a realtor who understands what we are looking for (or at least what my husband is looking for...every time i find a house i like, he discourages us from buying it because it is always an old house that needs a ton of work. the last few i've liked have been nowhere near livable. what can i say? i'm a sucker for the underdog).
i had every intention of trying to hit the gym today when the hubby gets home from work, but who knows if i'll even be able to get my car out!!!

Let me try this again.

I realize that i have begun and abandoned this blog several times already, but i think i'll restart it for good, for several reasons. allow me to actually introduce myself, in no uncertain terms:
my name is vicki, and i'm 25 years old. i've been married for 6 1/2 years to a hell of a man (my handsome bearded lumberjack/musician/genius), and i have an adorable but sometimes terrible baby who is almost 7 months old. i am a stay at home mom, which everyone has strong feelings about one way or the other, and i do too (but which way varies from day to day and even minute to minute). i gave up a decent-paying, mostly rewarding career in higher education that i really enjoyed to be at home when i became pregnant, and sometimes it's the smartest thing i ever did, but sometimes, i think i want to bolt in the night (funny how i used to think that all of those ibsen plays were so ridiculous. they make more sense now). sometimes i want to go back to work even though i know that i really shouldn't because it wouldn't make any sense after paying for daycare and commuting, and i'd miss all of my little one's firsts. at any given time i can convince myself to lean either way. i live in a little cabin on a lake that i love and hate at the same time. it is always in a state of squalor and disrepair, despite my best efforts. it used to seem much bigger. i also have a big-ish (for the suburbs) vegetable garden that i love, but it too is never quite as it should be. however, it feeds us for most of the summer and into the fall. i walk around the house and talk to myself all day since neither the baby nor the animals are very good conversationalists, and that is why i think that a blog would be a better outlet. i used to write lots of poetry and short non-fiction essays, but i haven't really written anything on paper since i lost my first daughter a few years ago. now whenever i look at a notebook i see the million things i should have told her instead of the endless sea of lines that i used to love and look forward to (reason number two for a blog). i enjoy yoga and hiking and competitive baking and watching movies and reading comic books and pretty much anything that kevin smith does. i am house-hunting, looking for a place in the country while prices are cheap. my husband wants a farm, and i think it would be good for our girl to chase chickens and ride ponies and jump in the creek whenever she wants to, but i'm not really sure that i belong out there on a permanent basis. as a Christian wife, i try to respect my husband's judgment and give him the rule of the roost, and he's pretty good at it, and getting much better at making decisions (typical Libra, needs practice). i'm a united methodist i guess, i was raised catholic and miss the ceremony, but truth be told i don't really like church at all. i'm more of a home-church kind of gal, since i think a relationship with God should be private. i also tend to be more conservative and old-fashioned than most people my own age, despite my best efforts. i dislike most technology (well, the stupid stuff anyway. who needs a kindle when a book just feels and smells and IS so much better?) and pretty much avoid it. i still listen to vinyl and make mixtapes because i think making a mix on a computer is so much less rewarding, and giving someone a mix cd says that the giver really didn't want to put a lot of effort in. i like shopping more than i should. i own more clothes than anyone i know but always wear the same things. i am perpetually on a diet, as are most women i know. i would like to lose my baby weight and keep thinking about taking up running, but i really don't like or understand runners or the runner mentality. how could that possibly be fun? a runner's high? please. i don't particularly like very late nights or very early mornings, and i need 8 hours of sleep or i'm just not a nice person. sometimes i drink much more than i should and say mean and/or ridiculous things to everyone i can find, but i'm working on not doing that as much. i like throwing parties because i like the challenge that comes with building a menu and serving a feast and making everyone feel comfortable with people they don't know, and i like planning activities like monopoly or checkers or badminton or making gingerbread houses in the middle of summer or whatever. i am not close with a lot of people because i find it strange. most of my friends live very far away, although my family all lives close and in truth, is very close as well. i never really got along with other women, and now that i have a kid, it's kind of hard to relate to men as well (well, especially those my own age, who are generally stuck in a state of perpetual boyhood that i am super jealous of). i desperately need to start my spring cleaning, and keep telling myself i'll do it any day now. i love rollercoasters and i never outgrew amusement parks. i see everything in black and white but know that just about everything exists somewhere in the shades of gray, even though i usually won't acknowledge it. i like to sing very loud in the car, and i love driving aimlessly, something that as a stay-at-home mom, i rarely get to do anymore. occasionally, i enjoy smoking even though i know that it's bad for me. i'm scared of lakes and the creatures that lurk within them, but i love rivers and the way they smell (usually), like the beginning of spring. apple-picking makes me insanely happy.
i guess that's me. i really don't usually talk about myself like that. i'm quite glad that nobody reads this, otherwise they would know more about me than people i've known forever. however, if anybody does read this, these are the things i'll be talking about. i guess i'm just a normal-ish woman dealing with normal-ish woman issues.

at the fair

this week has been a very busy one...so far i've been to the state fair 5 times! the first time was on saturday when t and i dropped off produce, the second time was later that night after al's grad party (just for fun, and we met up with al and kati there), the third time was to drop off oatmeal blueberry cookies for the blueberry contest on wednesday with my mom, and the 4th and 5th times were yesterday to drop off other baked goods with my sis and then i came back at night with the hubby to stroll around in the rain (it was super romantic). i love sitting around and watching the horse shows and strolling the tents and buildings. it's nice to go to the fair and not be able to do the rides or the beer tent, because i can take more time to really look at everything else that the fair is all about!
unfortuantely, i still haven't cracked the "top 3" in ANY category that i've entered! the only baked good that even placed this year was the chocolate bourbon pecan pie, which looked like a dream, and received an honorable mention in the pie category. now i have another "4th place" ribbon and a reason to try even harder next year! ted tells me to stop thinking like ricky bobby ("if you ain't first, you're last") but i think it's easier said than done...i mean, that's pretty much my life's mantra!
however, t's produce won accolades in the ag building! he got blue ribbons (excellent) for his cherry tomatoes, mint, and habenero peppers, and red ribbons (very good) for plum tomatoes and (my) potatoes. so he'll be picking up plenty of ribbons (and some cash too) on sunday...our last baby-less trip to the fair!
around the homefront, i'm working on the more "intensive" cleaning tasks, like scrubbing the grout between the bathroom tiles, cleaning out corners, and sanitizing dog toys (because unfortunately you just cannot keep little mouths away from dog toys, and dog and baby toys are pretty much interchangable). this will keep me occupied until my little lady decides to show up, which should be soon! i have less than 3 weeks left til d-day, but as everyone keeps telling me, she could very well show up at any time now. i'm leaving some other chores, liek changing the crib bedding and the changing table cover, until i go into labor, lest they be covered with cat hair before we make it home from the hopsital!
but for now my bag is packed, the car seat is in my car, and i'm ready to go when she is!

sorry for the lapse

since i have been going from family reunion to riverside birthday party to vacation to a girls-only AC getaway to my shower and taking care of setting up a nursery in between, i have been insanely busy and not normally home for a stretch of more than a few days. add to that nursing, baby basics, and childbirth classes and my nights are generally full-up as well. thus i apologize for my lack of updates for the past two-and-a-half or so months. however, i have decided what i will be entering in the home-ec fair competitions this year, by class:
cakes, chocolate- chocolate ganache cake
coffee cakes (not yeast), other- blueberry cake
dessert pie, 8 or 9 inch, other- chocolate bourbon pecan pie
blueberry contest, any baked item with blueberries as a main ingredient- oatmeal blueberry cookies
i was going to enter the cheesecake class as well, but i really only like my plain cheesecake recipe and i think that i might be outclassed in that category! plus, at 37 weeks pregnant, i will really only be able to do so much, and four entires ought to be enough. this week (at 35 1/2-36 weeks) i will be doing a test-run on all recipes and typing them out to submit with the entries. i think i'll do the cookies today, and i know i'll do the chocolate ganache cake on thursday, as ted's family is coming over for a bbq that day for his father's 50th birthday...there's so very much to get done before then!
this year, ted will be entering several exhibits in the fair as well, in the open vegetable show, including hot peppers, potatoes, plum and cherry tomatoes, and mint. he had originally intended on entering white onions and yellow squash as well, but when we got home from vacation we found that they had not fared quite so well as the other veggies so perhaps they will have to wait until next year.
on the baby front, we're in the home stretch! the stroller, crib, and changing table are all assembled and put in place (although the cats have taken them over completely, one in each...i know that i should discourage it but it's completely adorable), and the car seats should be installed by the end of the week. i've got my hospital bag packed, and i can't wait to meet my little ruby! i hope to get in one or two more updates before she arrives, but as far as i'm concerned she'll come when she comes, and there's really nothing that i can do about it besides cross my fingers, pray, and hope that it's quick!

home again

we are home again after spending the weekend (and monday) in lancaster, pa driving around amish country. hubby and i stayed at a lovely "farm" which wasn't so much of a farm but had some nice animals and little pond, plus a little garden that a few amish women tended to. the food was excellent, and i was unaware that out there they use the term "smorgasbord" the same way we use "buffet," but they had a nicer buffet than i think i've ever been to. seriously, the place was not the fanciest place i've ever stayed, nor the most expensive, but i think that it was the NICEST place. big difference. everyone was super-friendly, everything was spotless, service was great, it was just an all-around nice trip. there was a really cool jungle-gym type wooden ark, and when i went to take pictures by it i looked down, and underneath the ladder there was a mama duck sitting on ther feather nest! she was there all weekend! once i get the pictures developed (i know, old fashioned...i can barely even find film most of the time anymore, but i like the waiting part, and i'm not a fan of digitals), perhaps i'll post a few. there was also a peacock, which reminded me of growing up at my parents' house. strange, i know, for a peacock to remind me of growing up in suburban nj, but for some reason there was one in my neighborhood and it made the most awful noises so i could always tell when it was around, and sometimes it would climb up on roofs and spread its feathers just to show off. as soon as i heard that noise this weekend, i knew there was a peacock around, so we looked around until we found it right off the walking trail by the barn/ anyway, there were baby ducks, geese, and even friendly swans, something i had never seen because the swans near us chase the geese and ducks off the lake! there was also a heron one morning. ted liked the sheep because they were always cuddling with each other (which probably has some scientific name and purpose, but i'd want to cuddle with a sheep too: they're super soft!).
between the smorgarbords, the whoopie pies, the "best ice cream in lancaster county," and the dining car on the train, i feel like i gained about 10 pounds...though the scale says only about 5. i'm a little nervous to go back to the doctor on tuesday because i think she'll tell me that i'm getting too fat too quick, although now i can feel the baby getting bigger and i can even feel her kicks on the outside! in fact, when daddy-to-be tried to lean on my belly to listen to the heartbeat this morning, she kicked him right in the head! she's hilarous already. but i am nervous about the weight gain thing...i did start out overweight, and i don't want to gain very much more, but now she's got to gain too!
i haven't baked too much since i got home, mostly because i'm trying to "normalize" and get back to where i was before the trip by eating a little healthier. however, i did make my "healthified" banana bread yesterday, and added some blueberries, flax seed and wheat germ to make it even healthier (and less of a guilty pleasure). it turned out a little gooier than normal, perhaps because i hadn't accounted for the extra moisture than 1 1/2 cups of wild blueberried would add! however, it was scrumptious. i do plan to do some baking when i get back from the store today. i think i'll make cookies, since hubby is playing at his friend's band's record release show in hoboken tomorrow night and i like to send something good with him sometimes, expecially when it is a special occasion (and i won't be able to make it...the shows have been too late for me, and i feel more than a little uncomfortable being visibly pregnant in a bar). so, maybe sugar cookies, snickerdoodles, oatmeal raisins or just plain chocolate chip? who knows, maybe all of them!
til next time,
v

a lovely mother's day

we had a such a nice mother's day around here. hubby and i went to church (his mom joined us!) and then over to his parents' house for breakfast and to see his little brother, who is graduating from college on friday and moving back home. then we stopped at my mom's for a few minutes, and my dad showed me the arbor/swing he is building for baby and me for mother's day/my birthday (which is rapidly approaching...i feel like i should have accomplished more in this quarter century than i have!). it is adorable, and we'll put it down by the apple trees on the lake, and hopefully train the grapes to grow up the sides. THEN we came home, cleaned up, did a little prep and had a nice BBQ for my mom. My mom and dad, two uncles and and aunt, my sister, her boyfriend, and his mother were all inattendance. dh made AMAZING burgers and manned the grill for most of the day. I had made some banana bread (which no one touched beacuse there was too much food...i sent people home with it!) and miniature cheesecakes for dessert, both tried and true recipes that are hard to mess up! however, i do make very low-fat banana bread (usually the people in my family are diametrically opposed to low fat foods), and no one seems to notice! there was SOOOO much food that i can live on leftovers all week! that won't be too bad, as it will be quite the busy week with the graduation on friday, and hubby & i are going away for the weekend and don't know quite what we're doing when we come back just yet. ooh, and i have lots of planting to do later on in the week as it froze last night and may freeze again tonight, so we have most of the plants huddled under the picnic table (which is covered in a tarp) and in the brown room...i don't know just what we'll do when the baby actually needs a place to sleep!